I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
