Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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