i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
