Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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