You can't motorboat a personality
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
