I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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