don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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