i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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