I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
