no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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