Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
