You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
