i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
