Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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