My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
