my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
