Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
