We're like a lot better than the average bears
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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