I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
