Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the raccoons are back...
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