So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
