Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
