If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
