yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
