What did we do last night that was yellow?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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