We won't sleep together?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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