just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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