I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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