i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
