this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
