hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
