I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
