remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
