I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you never un-have a 4some
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
