you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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