Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
