I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
