are you so shy because you have an std?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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