the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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