I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
