yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
