Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
