when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
