Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
