it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
