There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
