Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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