I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
