If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
