you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I color on your dick again?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
