if i can run in heels then i can drive
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
