everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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