she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
