you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
