I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The air taste purple.
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