Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
