Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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