Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
