Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You left your phone here
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