I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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