I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
