Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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