he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
