My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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