We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
