You're my little dorito
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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