$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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