At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
