I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're a waste of cheezeits
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.