Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (2190)
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  (415): View more from California

  worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.

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  (415): worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser. http://tfl.nu/daye
  Replies (13) Good night (664) Bad night (4627)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

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  (313): And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono http://tfl.nu/k8o2
  Replies (17) Good night (3937) Bad night (1939)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

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  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6578) Bad night (1435)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

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  (715): Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head. http://tfl.nu/0svk
  Replies (29) Good night (4954) Bad night (1923)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (3155) Bad night (858)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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  (518): Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy. http://tfl.nu/6ng1
  Replies (5) Good night (3910) Bad night (890)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.

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  (215): We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug. http://tfl.nu/3xa9
  Replies (9) Good night (2261) Bad night (1213)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.

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  (480): We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her. http://tfl.nu/hua5
  Replies (5) Good night (2794) Bad night (631)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.

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  (321): Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip. http://tfl.nu/0cyl
  Replies (7) Good night (1346) Bad night (728)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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  (928): I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on. http://tfl.nu/43cf
  Replies (5) Good night (1410) Bad night (575)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay

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  (859): Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay http://tfl.nu/mr5s
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (1032)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.

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  (270): I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde. http://tfl.nu/pj3w
  Replies (6) Good night (1134) Bad night (543)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable

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  (646): Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable http://tfl.nu/rcay
  Replies (6) Good night (1233) Bad night (329)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.

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  (+61): Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome. http://tfl.nu/0ajk
  Replies (5) Good night (1310) Bad night (361)

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