I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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