The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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