we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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