I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
