Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
